ADULTHOOD

for the past month or so, i've had this topic in the back of my mind. right off the bat, i wanted to rant about it, but usually, when i do that in the heat of the moment, i can't exactly put into words what point i want to get across. and sometimes i come off as judgmental and mean. i've really put thought into how i want to word this, just so that people understand what i mean and also know that im not belittling you if you relate.

oh my god mal, spit it out already!!!! 

oh, right. it's nothing serious, i just wanted to dabble a bit into the world of adulthood. or more specifically, being 18 years old and living independently. for some reason, there's this huge pressure on 18 year olds to immediately move out of their homes and start their life right away. while these circumstances are more suitable for others, some do not tend to jump into this as fast. 

there are some people my age who already own an apartment, have a job or two, and are completely supporting their lifestyle on their own. then, there are people, like myself, who are still receiving help from their parents. now let's get this straight, EITHER lifestyle is totally okay. however you decide to run things is completely up to you, and you should totally be proud of yourself no matter what!!! there is no "right" way to live, so seriously, don't think i'm trying to discredit ya!!!

if you still live with your parents, right now, or until next year, it's okay!!!! you're not a loser. there really shouldn't be such a rush in figuring things out after high school. i feel like there's this huge stigma on still living with your parents and what not. like, oh you're still at home? what a loser. you're so lazy. grow up. blah, blah. 

if you're on the other end of the spectrum, you're goddamn awesome!!! i pay so much respect to you if you're supporting yourself on your own, that really shows a lot of motivation and maturity!! BUUUTTTT, here's where i'm kind of annoyed. i really dislike the people that come off as arrogant and cocky if theyre the ones living on their own. this is based off of my own observations from twitter, instagram, and actual people i've spoken to. it really gives such a bad impression of their attitude when they go about such a way that makes me feel like they're superior to me. 

they like, give off this weird vibe. when they talk about it, it's like it always has to come into the conversation. like HEY, I HAVE __ JOB(S) AND I PAY FOR ALL OF MY THINGS. DID YOU KNOW? HEY. LISTEN TO ME. I'M SOOOO INDEPENDENT. and i get it, for you to work your ass off, it makes sense that you would like to speak about your accomplishments. but it comes to a point when you give off a bad attitude, like everyone is below you. nobody is above anyone. we realllllly need to calm it down with this kind pressure on young people.

why is it that we always need to pin people against one another? oh, you go to community college? PFT. oh, you work at McDonalds? PFFFT. oh, you still live at home and your 18??? PFFFFFFFT. how about we encourage people? tell them, hey that's cool! a job is a job, a school is a school, and to each their own, ya know? LET PEOPLE LIVE.

THOUGHTS AND THINGS

for the longest time, i've had this problem where i can't keep hold of my filter on what i say/do. sometimes i can control it, but other times it slips and i end up messing something up. maybe my sarcasm crosses a line, or i joke around too much to the point where someone is actually hurt... (and this, to me, is really funny. i'm a cancer. i'm EMOTIONAL. and SENSITIVE. and DEFENSIVE. i'm basically a big baby but i don't like to admit it because i swear i'm a bad-ass.)

and you know, for the record, I AM NEVER INTENDING TO BE AN ACTUAL JERK!!!! there is literally 0% malicious intent within me, i'm all jokes and what not. but, i have to remind myself that not everyone is going to know what i'm thinking or get the meaning behind what i'm saying. i could joke with my friend, and mean it in a totally harmless way, but how are they supposed to know that?? like, of course they're gonna take it a certain way if i don't actually tell them "just kidding!!"

i think i built up such an attitude of not giving a shit about everyone (and their opinions) that i kind of almost convinced myself that everyone else has done it too. not to say the people i know are weaklings or something, but, you know what i mean..it's just that, some people do take things to heart. they do get their feelings hurt easily (and thats ok!! feelings are ok!!!!!) AND I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS!!!

but then, the other part of me is saying, "HEY. if people can't handle the way you are then they can fuck right off!!!" *Bad Reputation by Joan Jett blasts in the background* and yeah, sometimes, people aren't worth your time if they don't like the way you carry yourself. like hey, i'm happy with ME and I'm very important to ME so if you don't like ME then go find someone that has your ideal expectations and leave ME alone!!!!!!

i guess what i'm trying to say is that this self-reflection has me at a crossroads. i like that i'm blunt and sarcastic, but, since im a cancer, i hate the feeling of making the ones i love/care about upset with me. like, fuck everyone else, but friends? family? NOPE. the anxiety and guilt will eat me alive. you cannot momentarily dislike me. no. stop now. (no, being a cancer isn't my excuse for anything, but horoscope crap is frighteningly accurate)

here's what i've concluded: be nice. take the time to consider the feelings of the people that are important to you. BUT, stand your ground. be a bad-ass. stay true to yourself. the key is to find balance!!!! i can be an overemotional wreck that almost cries in overwhelming situations AND still be as bad-ass and cool as i think i am. bitch.

:-)

(Rupaul's Drag Race has consumed my life. my bad)

TUNGS BY THE FRIGHTS IS A GREAT SONG

haven't had much inspiration write up a whole post...so here are some wonderful photos from a day spent at Dolores Park with my pals. picture credits to jessaMEAN :-)